Mother Child Chit-Chat
Years - 2019 to 2022
Conversations between the mother and the child (when he was between 9 to 13 years)
Online school is on. Child - Give me my chemistry textbook. The mother gives both the textbook and the notebook. Child - I needed only the textbook. Mother - But I thought you would make the notes as well. Child - No Mother - Why not? You were making yesterday for biology. Child - Depends. Some teachers share their ppts. Mother - 😳
Child - I got P in English. Mother - ?? Child - P stands for proficient Mother - Wow! well done. Child - I thought P for proficient, but the teacher said it's for a pass. Mother - Oh.. that's okay. You can do better next time Child - I got the highest marks Mother - Oh..really. Congrats Child - Coming 1st with low marks is nothing to celebrate Mother - Yes, right. Now let us eat. 🙂
Child - Parents change. Mother - hmm Child - When I was a baby you used to call me Mamula, Babula, Gundula so on. Mother - oh yeah.. Child - Now Mamula has become Murkha (stupid in marathi), Babula has become Bavlat (absent-minded) and Gundula has become Gadhav (donkey) when you are upset. Mother - no no...I don't mean like that.... I mean for your behaviour sometimes, not you! You know what I mean. Child - oh is it? It does not feel that way. Mother - hmmm A parenting lesson learned!
A Vijayadashmi life lesson from a teenager "You cannot win over crooked people with straight thinking. You better understand this at least late in life". Happy Dussehara!
After a round of arguments, child to mother -
"You will soon get a BP constraint, not a budget constraint."
21st-century parent-teen conversations Child - We learnt about the human reproduction system today. Mother - Oh, already. Good, it's an important topic. Child - These are my notes. If you have any doubts, I can clarify. Child - Next I am going to meet my teachers & friends on 6th Jan. Mother - Really? how come I don't know? Child - Read the message on parents' Whatsapp group. Mother - There is no message about this. Child - There is. It is opening on 6th Jan Mother - Not that I know. It says term 3 will also be online Child - That's what I said. The school reopens on 6th Jan. Mother - Then where are you going to meet them? Child - On zoom Child - When I grow up I will be writing a book. Mother - About? Child - The title would be "Compromises and Compensation" Mother - Why not the other way round? Child - It does not make sense. No one can expect to get compensation before doing some compromises. Mother - Ah Child - Only women in my life give me advice. Mother - hmm Child - Men never do. Mother - hmm Child - and their advice ends up as lectures Mother - hmm Child - are you not going to give any advice now? Mother - Should I?! Child - hmm
Online school Child - Mam, what you are saying, Google is saying it is wrong. Teacher - What are you up to? Child - Means? I can open Google at the same time when you are teaching and check. Teacher - I know that. 🤨 From Pati Puja (blackboard) to Google Puja! Happy Saraswati Puja!
The child is unaware that Google info is wrong many times! Child - I need your help with homework. Mother - Hmm. I don't think I can. Child - Did you go to a school really? you say, ..you have forgotten science, in math the methods are different, ICT is technical,, our English is too high level, Hindi you didn't study..so what did do in your school? Mother - You will know what I mean when you become my age! Child - That's not very helpful right now.
The online class is on. Child: use chatbox, mam. Child - you need to share the screen, mam. Child - Scanning and uploading takes time, mam. Wait, mam. Time for a reverse education! 😊 Frankly, teachers are doing a fantastic job to adapt and teach online interactively! Sadly, the majority of school kids in India don't have access to this.
Child's guidance after watching me zooming – 1) reduce aaamm amm 2) don't keep saying 'obviously' don't look down, look into the camera, and finally 4) Don't smile too much. You are a professor.
Child - I think you don't know optimization. Mother - What makes you think so? Child - You are not minimizing household work.
Child - how can you boss around someone for their entire life? Mother - you know that it not true. Child - I know. What about me? Mother (stunned) - are you serious? Child - hmm. No. May be, Not really.
Child - I have developed a life-skill. Mother - that's really nice. Child - I can keep nodding at the teacher, but think something else. Mother can now relate to all nodding of heads in her classes🙂..how disappointing!🙂
Child - I am watching a math tutorial by Ms. Nina. Mother - Oh, that's good Child - I am not paying attention to math though Mother - then? Child - To her Mother - What are you up to exactly? Child - Chill...Observing how she teaches..she is a good teacher. It's a skill. You should also see. Don't know how the two can be separated! Stay safe and lighten up!
After a conversation about higher studies... Child - I will never do an MBA. Mother - Why? Child - Who wants to sit in the classes till 9.30pm? Mother - that's only sometimes Child - I will only study where classes finish at 5pm. One should have time to enjoy life. Dedicated to all MBA students
Child - I don't want to live. Mother - 😳 Child - Just today. Mother -😳 Child - Hindi exam today. Can I come back tomorrow? 😁
Friday night conversations Child - Is every subject as vast as the other? Like math v/s chemistry Mother - Don't think so Child - How do you know? Mother - I don't know.
Saturday Reminder! Child - Love you, mama. You are a nice human......so far at least.
After sleeping for nearly 12 hours and knowing fully well that the mother disapproves of oversleeping... Child - Ph.D. requires original work? Mother - Yes Child (with a serious face)- I have a topic. To prove that adults require more sleep than babies. Adults work so much. Babies do nothing. Mother - Don't be crazy. Some are well-established facts. Child (still with a serious face)- Till someone proves them wrong. The mother bursts out laughing.
Sunday Special Child - You drop me to badminton now. Mother - I know Child - Then you work for a couple of hours Mother - Yes, I know Child - Then we will go to the Mall. I need to get a jammer and will help you in grocery shopping. Mother - Oh ok. Child - Then, for the evening we will go our separate ways.
Child (reading history textbook) - "Razia is a brave, intelligent and just lady" Do they mean just a lady? Mother - Nooooo Child - just like a lady? Mother - Nooooo..you know what it means.. Child - Then why can't they simply write - Razia was brave, intelligent and fair. Mother - When will your history exam get over?!
Child - What is the difference between a founder and a true founder? Mother - Nothing. Child (reading from the textbook) -Mohammad Ghori can be rightfully called the founder of Turkish rule in India. Mother - Oh..okay Child (turns the page) - Ilutmish was the true founder of Turkish rule in India. Mother - Oh..okay Child - did you listen? Mother - hmm..yes...sort of Child - What does this mean? Mother - I don't know. Child - What are we supposed to write in the exam? Mother - I have no clue. ...Why are our school textbooks like this?!
Child - History is interesting...like a storybook. Mother - yeah, it is. Child - But the problem is I have to store it in my brain.😳
Child - I am one of the candidates for the house vice-captain. Mother - Great! Good luck. Child - But I am going to vote for another candidate. Mother wondering what kinda game theory strategy is this? 🤔 Child - I don't like the school. Mother - What happened? Child - There is no specialisation. I like only math and biology.
Child - Will you buy me a book? Mother - Yes, of course. Child - Buy me this one. Mother - Of course not! Child had pointed out the following at the back of next standard's history book and was upset that teachers have ready access to all answers which he considers utterly unfair!!
Comments of a child while seeing his mother marking the answer scripts of working professionals 1) 6th graders have much better handwriting. 2) Is this English script? 3) Oh..such a big handwriting and so much space between two lines..this student wants to fill pages. 4) This is so small..can you really read? 5) This is so round and round..feels like my head is spinning. and Finally, one positive 1) Wow, amazing, deserves some extra marks simply for handwriting.
Saturday Learning After an argumentative discussion, Child - You may know 1% of things in the world and I may know only half a percent. Mother - Thats why kids should listen to parents. Child - But you still may not know what half a percent I know. 😳
lesson in parenting! Mar 21st, 10pm. Maths revision going on. Child - You hit me. Mother - You know I won't. Child - You are too lenient. If you hit me once, I will not make calculation errors again. Mother remembers some of her students' feedback! 😳
Mother - This generation knows little about hardships..always travel in flights, AC cars and trains. We travelled long distances in jam-backed trains and buses. Child - I thought that's good. It's propsperity. Mother - But only for a few. Child - That's really bad, but it doesn't mean we also should go through hardships. Mother - Sometimes you should to appreciate what you have got. Child - I see.
Conversations turning serious.... Child - Why do grown-up girls wear short dresses? Mother - Its is an individual choice. Child - Why do they get upset if people stare at them? Mother - Because it is uncomfortable. Child - Then why do they wear short dresses? They were not playing sports (he had noticed in the apartment complex). Mother - Do people stare at boys when they were shorts? Child - No Mother - why not? Child - Because they are not girls.
Child - I wish I was an animal. Mother - and why is that? Child - There would be no exams Paramesh, Pandu..Paramesh, Pandu.(as he opens his books) Mother - now what is this? Child - you keep calling God all the time, Parameshawara, Panduranga.
Time to take the following advice seriously! Child - Why do you never relax? Mother - Hmm Child - Shall I teach you how to relax? Mother - Yes, please Child - Lie down and do nothing
Child - If I look at the big picture, you are good, but in parts you are not. Mother - What do you mean? Child - Thats ok, but sometimes you don't accept that you are wrong. That's not good. Mother wondering who the adult is .....
Child - I am the second shortest in the class. Mother - Doesn't matter. Child - I know. Its in the genes
Empathy over Logic Mother - Many kids want to buy pencils and the shopkeeper doesn't have enough. What should he do to the price? Child - Reduce it Mother - Why??!! Child - He should feel bad that some kids are disappointed. Mother - But then isn't he losing money? Child - When I grow up, I am going to write an article that people shouldn't think only about money.
Sunday Specials! 8.30am. Child is still in the bed. Child - Give me a kiss. Mother (knowing where this is going) - Which one? Child - Ok. A compromise - one yours, one Hersheys. 😳 (note: eating chocolate first thing in the morning is not to be encouraged.) 1.30pm. Child knows more people in the complex. Mother - Do you know who is that lady walking? Child - There is a couple living opposite us. There is a lady in that couple. Mother - There always is in a couple. Child - No, not necessary. This lady is that lady's younger sister
Praying he doesn't say such things outside! Child opening a poppins pack, which mother just bought for him. Mother lowers her palm in front of him. Child (with a straight and serious face) - I did not think women in their 40s like poppins.
Saturday, 10.30pm. School homework going on. Child slams the books on the bed. Child - Why can't we live in the present? Mother - We are.. Child - Why do we have to worry about the past? Mother - No, we should not. Child - Then why is there this suject called history, ruining my whole weekend? Mother - Time to sleep!
Mother: I hardly went to classes in the 11th std. Unlike you, ours was a junior college and attendance wasn’t compulsory! Child – I also attend selectively. Mother – But you are going to school daily. You are attending all classes, aren’t you? Child – Yes Mother – Then what are you saying? Child – Physical and mental attendance are two different things. Mother - Aree… Child – You keep talking about opportunity cost. For some classes, I give attendance and then do my own thing. Mother – You are not to do this! Child – Don’t your MBA students do the same thing? Mother – That is not the point Child – That is the point. Mother – Time to sleep…
Child - You need to grow up. Mother - What?! Child - When it is time to play, I play even if there is a lot of homework pending. Mother - So? Child - You don't do that. You are stuck to your laptop, You need to compartmentalize. Don't know what else advice I have to listen too... Child - I need time to understand. You need to go slow. Mother - 😶 Child - Good teachers do not hurry. Mother - 😐
A daily dose of funny conversations continues.... Title - Incentives matter. Child - We now have a bownie point system in the school. I got two points today. Mother - well done. Child - I asked teacher for my brownie. She said no brownie, everyone will clap for me. Mother - Thats nice encouragement Child - Thats not right. Why to call them brownie points then? and why to get the points just hear my friends clapping..
Child - Teacher preponed our exam by a day. We were not agreeing. Mother - Why not? Child - All of us were going to study this evening only. Middle-schoolers or MBAs - expect the same response. Child - But then we agreed. Its over. Mother - How come? Child - Teacher said she will not ask anything from what she taught, but about our general awareness about the subject. Mother - Oh.. Child - We can't increase our general awareness that much in one evening, so we agreed. Pretty sure that here MBAs response would have been different!! 🙂
Mother - you need to read more. Child - why? Mother - you said you want to improve your vocabulary. Child - I see youtube Mother - that's no good Child - there are different ways of learning. Mother - hmm. But still not the same as reading. Child - That's what I said; it is different. Mother - Go away. Go back to your youtube
Child - Teachers copy. Mother - What?? Child - I found our entire question paper online. Mother - That is not copying. She would have used an earlier year's model question paper. Child - I thought every time teachers take efforts to set new questions. Mother - Go down to play.
A matter of fact expressed so vividly that it made me laugh in these gloomy days. Child - Don't disturb me. I am reading. Mother - Oh, I didn't realise. If you are reading, I would not disturb you even if I am going to my grave. Child - You are not going to your grave. Mother - I didn't mean it like that...you know. Child - You would be burnt when the time comes Child - It is many decades away. I didn't mean it like that..you know.
Child - I don't have chemistry with anyone. Mother - That's fine. You can study on your own. Child - Mama, not that chemistry. The other chemistry.. you dont know? I heard about it down while playing.. Mother - Ah.. you concentrate on school chemistry for now. The other chemistry will happen after 10 years..not to worry!
Child - I lost a mark because my friend wrote a wrong answer. Mother - how is that possible? Child - I had written his answer. Mother - You are not to do that. It is called cheating. (in an upset tone). Child - No, it is called an exchange. Mother (fuming) - What kind of exchange is this? Child - Where both are supposed to benefit. He also saw one of my answers. Mother is speechless and appalled. An utterly wrong application of a logically sound theory!